Extemporaneous musings
Posted Saturday, May 08, 2004 @ 12:35 AM
I saw a movie tonight about all the little things that you can never explain. About sadness and the ennui that seems to overcome people's lives without them really knowing it. About how mistakes happen for a reason. About how there's never anything you can truly do about anything, yet none of this leads to idleness or a ceasing of the mild participation that keeps everyone going. It's called The United States of Leland. It's a writer movie. Subtle. Funny. It reminds me of American Beauty so much, but not in a way I can really explain. You should see it. I know you said you never had any of those types of theaters around, but you should. And you know precisely who you are.
Writing writing writing. Please excuse its infiltration of my life:
I feel like maybe I've found my process again.
I had a psychologist once, when I was sick, who told me that before she got glasses, she could never see the individual leaves on trees -- that trees were more or less big impressionistic blobs -- Monet in the spring, Bob Ross in the fall. And before she could see, she never knew you were supposed to be seeing them.
Finding my process again has been sort of like that. Like for years, in the beginning -- young --, I could see all the leaves and never took much note -- I had a process. And slowly they started to blur together without my noticing. And somehow, with the help of something, I see them again. Seeing each leaf sway on its own seems to encompass something much greater than a mass of green. Yet a mass is a great deal easier to paint and understand.
It's like I've been trying to lose my eyesight all along just so I can have glasses -- reading in the dark, straining my eyes.
I don't really know if any of that makes sense.
But the point is I feel like I can write again the way I used to. Before poetry or fiction or class. Raw. The infrequency due to less need, less overflow. Less willingness to share or attempt some profound explanation.
Welcome to the past, bucko. You're swimming through the archive of rocket-fish.org. If this isn't where you were headed, I suggest you get out of here while there's still time.
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i'm torn, my dear glynnis. on the one hand, i love it when you update your website because i like what you write and it makes me happy. on the other, when you do update, it means i can't ever read the old entry ever again, because your links to past entries simply bring me back to the current entry.
my life is pain.
p.s. project for the summer? are you going to be here? i want us to do something big if you are. like start our ultimate doll house. or build our own silk screen machine in your basement.
09 May 2004, 1:16 AM.