People frustrations
Posted Sunday, February 23, 2003 @ 11:34 AM
Lately I have been reiterating how frustrated I am with people, how much they piss me off--all the tiny things that shouldn't matter or affect me. I have been drinking more coffee, even though it makes me burp, and I have been sitting up late talking or reading, or thinking about how much I should be talking or reading, joking myself into some kind of New York lonliness that I can't have in the warmth of the South. Not in Alabama, they say.
And it's pretty ridiculous, I think, and maybe this sort of thing just comes in the middle of second semester, when I still care, but not enough to let my work get in the way of my thinking time. I suppose I can write as many four-page letters as I want, that I can have as many 2AM conversations in my sleepy house as I like, but that doesn't make me seem any less pretentious or narcissistic. While I can complain about people's personalities and how ridiculous highschool drama is, I suppose I'm just living out my own, and I have my own personality traits that make me unbearable, and no matter how many times I say, "I mean, maybe that makes me sound concieted," or, "I'm sure I'm being super hypocritical," I am still living out my own highschool drama, and it probably won't ever end.
While I will always need people, I have just gotten tired of the bullshit that comes with hanging around them, with making plans, with going places, and I much prefer locking myself in a room with all the books I own-but-haven't-read--perhaps like that story about two men who make a million dollar bet that one of them can't stay in a room for one year without human contact, but can have all the books, instruments, or food that he wants, and when the end of the year is up, the man comes out of his "isolation chamber" a few minutes early, and says, "A year of reading and learning and thinking was worth more than the million dollars to me." I just want to get away for a year or a summer, perhaps to study in Europe like I've been anticipating, just to think and be away from everyone. That's what my summers are, and they keep getting shorter.
And I have had my nights like last night with Carie and Sarah and Liz--watching The Incredibly True Story of Two Girls In Love at Carie's, deciding on a whim to take Sarah to Waffle House for her first time ever, and sitting in the first booth eating an eleven o'clock grilled cheese or a cup of coffee, telling stories about France or Belgium, and punching numbers on the jukebox in the corner for songs like "Scatman" or "Wish You Were Here."
Everything is fine I suppose--I've got New Orleans coming up during spring break, with some Birmingham time in there somewhere, and a lot of free time that I'll pretend to use for reading and cleaning and getting things done.
Summer isn't too far off, I guess.
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summer is so far off that it makes me cry.
23 Feb 2003, 7:23 PM.
you will love new orleans. try to eat at a place called the cafe degas. get anything that comes with potatoes.
note to sean: don't cry, it won't be long.
24 Feb 2003, 8:28 PM.
I had a fantasmic time. good talks and waffle house. woot.
28 Feb 2003, 8:36 PM.
its kind of funny. books i own but haven't read. i love to read. but for some reason, i can not seem to read the books i own. :D so i might as well borrow from the library.
04 Mar 2003, 8:57 PM.
blah blah blah.
06 Mar 2003, 2:52 PM.
*mwah* I just want it to be summer, I wish I could see you this summer. But when I see you in December it will feel like summer to me, so it'll be all good.
be well love.
09 Mar 2003, 4:13 PM.
It's me again. I could email you, and I shall later, but I'm just dropping into say hello. -grins-
Maybe you and Nick will see me this summer...
be well, dear!
12 Mar 2003, 4:49 PM.
glynnis. where are you? really. we should send letters. i know i was bad the last time. and we even talked about how we hate that. but this time i promise i'll follow the rules. xoxox
jessica
18 Mar 2003, 3:48 AM.
come on glynn, it's been a month. I think it's update time.
24 Mar 2003, 8:16 PM.
nick's right. feb 23 was a long time ago. oh, and guess where we decided to go, like, tomorrow? new orleans. heh.
26 Mar 2003, 8:20 AM.