What comes of having P.E. at art school
Posted Friday, January 10, 2003 @ 07:51 PM
So my parents have been on this big "let's all exercise to make the world a better place" kick, complete with a stationary bicycle, new weights, and a promised TV set with a VCR so that Jane Fonda can party with her stretchy, neon leotard-wearing friends in the basement.
Consider this my momentary confession: when not under the supervision of Coach Evans [our P.E. instructor at school], my secret thirty-year-old soccer mom side cuts loose, and is all about exercising, aerobics, and strawberry smoothies. Please note, however, that this soccer-mom side does not advocate in ANY WAY the use of suburban utility vehicles. ESPECIALLY when your only child is two, and rarely rides in the car. While some of you soccer-moms out there [and you know who you are] may think that you deserve a car the price of a small house [cough cough HUMMERS cough cough], there are hundreds of oppressed children in Afghanistan who would be so fortunate as to have your car as a traveling orphanage [which, I think, is much like a traveling library -- rent one for a couple months and return it the next time your BIG ASS HUMMER drives through the city]. Or, for that matter, a traveling circus where you teach them your American Soccer-Mom Ideals, tell them how silly they look in those turbans, and show them what it means to have a credit card sponsored by hubby's money.
So. Like I was saying....exercise.
The kind of exercise I have been exposed to thusfar has been primarily composed of rebellious, P.E. occurrences. In middle school, Jessica and I used to sit out during volleyball and write stories, length-wise, up each other's arms, and when they made us participate, we always stood, hands at side, for the entire game. We could always give the excuse of "Oh, I thought you had it" to the other girls.
But today, for instance, instead of going outside to run around the courtyard, it was wet so we stayed in the studio and did the shuttle run [which, for those of you who aren't farmiliar, is running about a 20ft distance three times to practice sprinting. You're timed]. To get you up to date, our P.E. coach at ASFA rarely makes us do anything, never makes us dress out, and hardly any of us ever show up for class, yet we all have A's. The only times he makes us show up is at the beginning of each semester, when he "cracks down" and tries to instill enthusiasm for fitness in each of our poor, artistic souls.
So, all of us are sitting there in the studio, a bunch of slackers lining the walls and watching the first person run. Someone suggests protesting such a mindless activity by walking, slowly, to complete the exercise. We all seem to be joking, but when Ryan, the girl who suggested it, is called up, she takes 29 seconds to complete the 13-second-average run. By the end, we are all cheering her on, coach is rolling his eyes, and each person is secretly planning how they can beat her turtle-like speed with a slower one.
This is what happens when students are smart enough to realize that -- while, yes, if being chased by a large bear, sprinting can be useful -- but while in P.E., doing so doesn't affect your grade, so there's no reason to cause yourself any shortage of breath.
We've all done our variations on the shuttle run, and it is almost the end of the period when Chasia, a 9th grade theatre student, is called up to give it a try. By this time, Coach is thoroughly pissed off at all of us, but doesn't voice it any more than some eye rolls and a peeved, exasperated expression. Most of us aren't that interested anymore -- that is, until the whistle blows and Chasia begins to run in slow motion, facial expressions and all. Midway she trips, still in slow motion, and falls, rolls a bit, then gets up and runs again. Her second run, when she falls and begins crawling dramatically towards the finish line, another student -- C.K. -- stands up, sighs loudly, and drags her by the foot over the blue tape. Everyone begins to applaud, especially after hearing her final time of 1'13.
And this, my friends, is how we exercise at art school.
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ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh................
10 Jan 2003, 10:11 PM.
the only thing i remember doing in ninth grade p.e. was throwing medicine balls with katie mcgriff... and at some point during the year someone told katie that she had big thighs, so she went on this treadmill binge for a couple of months and i started skipping p.e. altogether so i could hang out with rachel wynn and shiloh in latin II. ah, art school... you instill such heart and ambition into us all.
10 Jan 2003, 10:36 PM.
I'm only interested in Badminton. Yes, Badminton where you get to hit something with the absurd name of "shuttlecock". ::giggle::
11 Jan 2003, 2:52 PM.
Oh Glynnis, I've missed you. This post was fantastic.
12 Jan 2003, 7:08 AM.
must... go... thrifting... ::gasp:: ::chokes:: ::dies::
12 Jan 2003, 2:59 PM.
whoo-hoo for the new layout. now, feel better or be forced to spend eternity in a hacking, coughing hell.
10 Feb 2003, 7:46 PM.
I don't know if this is gonna work as a guestbook for my addiction... maybe it's a healthy step down... like a nicotine patch. That'd be nice. But anywho, magnif story. A nice return, I'd say.
Take care sweetheart.
10 Feb 2003, 10:27 PM.
Have you seen it? it's totally so rad. ~word. ~word. ~word.
www.homestarrunner.com/tgs2.html
I superheart my glynnis.
Ever,
Nick
11 Feb 2003, 3:15 AM.
don't worry glynnis. be happy.
13 Feb 2003, 3:55 PM.
glyyyyyyynnis! i had a tres tres good time tonite. and we EXERSIZED! see there?
i enjoy your new layout to no end.
hugs.
15 Feb 2003, 12:11 AM.